Friday 27 September 2013

2 years on....where to begin......



How do you follow the hardest blog post you ever had to write ?

Every time I thought about blogging again I just couldn’t do it. The words just weren’t coming. I am struggling now so apologise in advance for this jumble of thoughts.  I can’t think on it anymore and just have to take the proverbial bull by the horns and jump back in. 

Until this morning I have not logged on to blogger, my email or Facebook since I got back to England. I can see there are loads of messages and did start to read some. I am sorry that I haven’t replied to anyone, I do very much appreciate everyone who was thinking about me but it is just too upsetting for me to go back and read them now. Grief is a strange thing and everyone handles it differently. My personal coping mechanism is to tuck it all away into a corner of my mind. Probably not very healthy but the only way I have been able to deal with it.  One day, when I am ready, I will revisit it.   This is not to say I don’t think about Mick…I think about him all the while…but only the happy memories and not the events of that day 2 years ago. That part I still can’t deal with very well.

My life with him in California seems like an eternity ago now. Looking back I have no idea how I coped but I guess your survival skills just kick in. I was alone; things had to be done so I did them. 

In retrospect, moving back to England was a panic reaction. Could I have stayed there alone? Who knows. I try not to dwell on ‘What If’s’. 

But I didn’t. I moved back ‘home’. I went back to work and was working crazy hours doing 2 jobs. I didn’t want to go out. I hated the dismal weather.  I missed sitting in my sunny workshop making miniatures. I was living in one room and had no way of even thinking about making minis. I was miserable.

A dear friend of mine told me to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember to breath…..that is what I did. 

But it got better.  And I discovered a lot about myself. I found out I could do it, I would survive and knew one day I would be back blogging and making minis. And that day did come, just as I hoped it would. 

I am now settled in a lovely village near Lichfield in Staffordshire and have met lots of new friends. 

Unfortunately I am no longer working, I lost my job 3 weeks ago but something will come up I am sure. 

The upside of this is that I now have the time to blog and make minis. And have been doing so :-)  Tallulah Belle is back in business. Especially now I have no other job !

I just wanted to get this post up to let you where I was at. I will shortly post pictures of a pretty big project I just completed. 

I am doing well, I am back and I have found my new normal.

Jayne xxx

46 comments:

  1. Mucha suerte en tu nueva vida, esperare a ver las fotos de tus nuevos trabajos miniaturas.

    Saludos.

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  2. Jayne, it is so lovely to see you back in the blogosphere. We have all missed you and think of you often.
    Looking forward to seeing your new project..
    Love & Hugs xxx

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    1. Thanks Debbie, looking forward to catching up xx

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  3. I ditto Debbie, it is so lovely to hear to hear from you. I have often thought of you and wished you well. I am glad to here that you have settled somewhere nice and I'm sure a job will come along soon. I look forward to seeing your pretty project too.
    Huge hugs
    Julia xxx

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    1. Thanks Julia. It is lovely to know I've been thought of. Can't wait to find out about your new shop :-) xx

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  4. Omg its so nice to hear from you and I could waffle on but I am just so glad you are blogging. Work will come your way and you have many friends here you know who love you dearly xx

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    1. Thanks Kat, you never waffle :-) I am sure things will work out some way or another xx

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  5. Good to see and read you here again.
    Hope to see your new minis soon.:)
    Hugs

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    1. Thanks, will be putting up new pics soon :-) xx

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  6. Oh, Jayne, it is so good to see you around here again and to hear that you are working things out. I have an inkling of how you must feel as I lost my mother this spring and I too wrote the hardest blog post I have ever written. I still can't go back to the page and address the comments, as each time I revisit it, I just cry. I pray that things will continue to get better for you as we journey through this thing called life. Wishing you all the best in all things my dear.

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    1. Thanks Dale. So sorry about your Mom. I know how you feel but things so get better I promise xxx

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  7. Jayne,

    Hello dear friend, I am so happy to see a post, I think about you all the time, and send Big Hugs, we all feel the same way , please keep in touch,

    Athena

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    1. Thanks Athena. You were such a huge help to me when I needed someone. I will always appreciate that (((()))) I have thought about you often and have my white board here with me right now with ''hard drinking, cigar chomping, one of a kind hottie' written on it. I was about to start work on it when all this happened.xxx

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  8. Liebe Jayne, es ist so schön wieder etwas von dir zu lesen. Ich habe so oft an dich gedacht und mich gefragt, was du so machst. Ich umarme dich, Lotti

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  9. So glad to hear that you are doing ok, Jayne. I can't imagine how I would handle such a difficult time.

    I am anxious to see your new project and so glad that you are back in the mini world.

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    1. Thanks De. Not sure how I handled it but I did, I've come to learn we can all find the strength when we need it xx

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  10. I have thought of you often over the past 2 years and I am THRILLED to see you back!!!
    Linda x

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    1. Thanks Linda. I have been traveling in France for the last 3 weeks and thought of you many times while I was there xx

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  11. Well done through hard times, Jayne - may life keep getting better for you
    Glenda xxx

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    1. Thanks Glenda. Not sure what I did in my past life but I have been so lucky finding my feet again. Life is once again looking hopeful xx

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  12. It's so good to see you back again! I have thought of you and hoped you were taking your time to get back on your feet! I look forward to seeing what you are making!

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    1. Thanks :-) Took me a while but I am ready to go again xx

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  13. Hi dear Jayne,

    So great to see you back. I know it's been unimaginably hard for you, but like Julia often thought about you.

    I'm sure a job will crop up, so hang in there!

    Will contact you soon!
    Love and hugs,
    Michelle xxx

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    1. Bless you Michelle. I have missed our little world so much. So glad to be back amongst such dear friends xxx

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  14. Lovely to see your back doing something you love!
    Nice to hear your settled and have now found your mojo once again
    your doing great !
    lotsa hugs your way
    Deni

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    1. Thanks Deni. I think my mojo is definitely back :-) xx

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  15. Lovely to see you Jayne have missed you tons <3 xx

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  16. Oh dear...I found you only today and I am so glad to read from you, so absolutely thrilled at seeing you back .
    Welcome back and big big hugs
    Rosanna

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    1. Thank you Rosanna, it is lovely to see you are still here too xxx

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  17. Healing a broken heart takes time, so much time....it never goes away. I've often wondered. Glad you're still there.

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    1. You are so right Susan. I have my moments still and am sure I always will but I have learned to move on xxx

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  18. Woooooooohoooooo, YOU ARE BACK!!!! :):):) I myself have not been blogging or reading much on blogland this past month . I am doing a quickie and will definitely be back to read all about your big project. Saw the pics and must say, you have only got better! :) Giving you very real kisses and hugs :)

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    1. I am back my dear friend. I have thought about you so much. You were a true friend to me when I needed you and I'll never forget that. One day we'll hug in person I am sure xxx

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  19. Welcome back Jayne. There is no right way to deal with tragedy, we all get by in different ways and you have chosen the way that felt right to you. I think your friend gave you very good advice and you have taken lots of steps in the last two years and every day you take a few more. Big mini hugs xxx

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    1. Thanks so much Janice....I miss him so much and that will never change but every step does get easier. xxx

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  20. Welcome back. You have no idea how much you have been missed.

    Joyce x

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    1. Thanks Joyce , Sorry I missed this earlier
      xxx

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  21. It is so good to see you back and that you are doing well. Although we don't know each other, I have thought often about you the past 2 years and was sending you love and light. Wishing you all the best , love, Frieda

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    1. Thank you Frieda. The love everyone sent me was definitely felt, thank you xxx Sorry I only just published this, have no idea why it needed moderation normally comments just post sorry x

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  22. Jayne, I'm so happy to see you back, you have been missed! I think about you often and I'm happy to hear that you are doing well.
    Mini Hugs,
    Gaye =)

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    1. Thank you Gaye, I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who didn't forget me. Glad to be back. Sorry I only just published this, have no idea why it needed moderation normally comments just post sorry x

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  23. Kudo's to you, getting through live the way you did and right now!
    xoxoxoxo

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    1. Thank you Debora.....hardest road I've ever traveled but I got there xxxx

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