How do you follow the hardest blog post you ever had to write ?
Every time I thought about blogging again I just couldn’t do it. The words just weren’t coming. I am struggling now so apologise in advance for this jumble of thoughts. I can’t think on it anymore and just have to take the proverbial bull by the horns and jump back in.
Until this morning I have not logged on to blogger, my email or Facebook since I got back to England. I can see there are loads of messages and did start to read some. I am sorry that I haven’t replied to anyone, I do very much appreciate everyone who was thinking about me but it is just too upsetting for me to go back and read them now. Grief is a strange thing and everyone handles it differently. My personal coping mechanism is to tuck it all away into a corner of my mind. Probably not very healthy but the only way I have been able to deal with it. One day, when I am ready, I will revisit it. This is not to say I don’t think about Mick…I think about him all the while…but only the happy memories and not the events of that day 2 years ago. That part I still can’t deal with very well.
My life with him in California seems like an eternity ago now. Looking back I have no idea how I coped but I guess your survival skills just kick in. I was alone; things had to be done so I did them.
In retrospect, moving back to England was a panic reaction. Could I have stayed there alone? Who knows. I try not to dwell on ‘What If’s’.
But I didn’t. I moved back ‘home’. I went back to work and was working crazy hours doing 2 jobs. I didn’t want to go out. I hated the dismal weather. I missed sitting in my sunny workshop making miniatures. I was living in one room and had no way of even thinking about making minis. I was miserable.
A dear friend of mine told me to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember to breath…..that is what I did.
But it got better. And I discovered a lot about myself. I found out I could do it, I would survive and knew one day I would be back blogging and making minis. And that day did come, just as I hoped it would.
I am now settled in a lovely village near Lichfield in Staffordshire and have met lots of new friends.
Unfortunately I am no longer working, I lost my job 3 weeks ago but something will come up I am sure.
The upside of this is that I now have the time to blog and make minis. And have been doing so :-) Tallulah Belle is back in business. Especially now I have no other job !
I just wanted to get this post up to let you where I was at. I will shortly post pictures of a pretty big project I just completed.
I am doing well, I am back and I have found my new normal.